i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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