I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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