DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
