i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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