The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
there is glitter all over my balls
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