I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
