hotel room ftw
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
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