Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Randomize