he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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