dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
