My boss' voice literally gives me gas
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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