no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
