Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
She even gives head with a lisp.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
we should paint friendship bongs
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
