guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
