my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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