You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
