do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize