oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
