I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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