Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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