It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
