Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
