this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
