i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I just gift wrapped bread.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
