We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
