I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
