Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
