dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
