yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
