Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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