Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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