I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
