Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Randomize
