just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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