omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
