I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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