I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
pray to the hookup gods
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
