remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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