I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
