There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
