and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
