Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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