So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
