Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize