we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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