you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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