dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
