You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
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