Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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