God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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