i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
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