Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
