How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
