the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
