my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
As shirtless as possible
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
