My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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