So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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