oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
not ubering you a puppy
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
