so that wasnt chicken after all
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
