Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
