we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
