Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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