I just pynch a tree in the face
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
