I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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