It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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