So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
