You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
