I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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