his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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