You're my little dorito
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
