he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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