I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
